New Word Contest

Like George Carlin words are an interest of mine, not a hobby, hobbies cost money. When my mother sent me these results from a Washington Post contest I knew I’d have to share.

The contest invited readers to take a word from the English language and by adding, removing or changing only one letter create a new word. The results are pure genius.

The following are reposted from the Washington Post. I’ve stared (*) my favorites.

Fifth Runner-Up: Foreploy*: any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex. (Greg Oetjen, Lorton)

Fourth Runner-Up: Fortissimoe: the musical moment produced when someone serially slaps the faces of the first-violin section. (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

Third Runner-Up: Tatyr: a lecherous Mr. Potato Head. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Second Runner-Up: Doltergeist: a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank. (David Genser, Arlington)

First Runner-Up: Giraffiti: vandalism spray-painted very, very high, such as the famous “Surrender Dorothy” on the Beltway overpass. (Robin D. Grove, Arlington)

And the winner of the two-foot-high baby bottle:

Sarchasm*: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Honorable Mentions:

Necronancy: communication with the late Ernie Bushmiller. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Contratemps: the resentment permanent workers feel toward the fill-in workers. (Kevin Mellema, Falls Church)

Coiterie: a very very close-knit group. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

Whitetater: a political hot potato. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

Impotience*: eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

Elepants: too-tight jeans on broad-beamed people. (Steve Fahey, Kensington)

Lollapalooka: someone who has taken one too many turns in the mosh pit. (Philip Delduke, Bethesda)

Auto-da-feh: the extermination of heretics via drowning in a vat of pus. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

Stupfather: Woody Allen. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Reintarnation: coming back to life as a hillbilly. (Barry Blyveis, Columbia)

DIOS: the one true operating system. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Inoculatte*: to take coffee intravenously when you are running late. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Thripp: a bug. (Bee Perrin, Washington)

Hipatitis: terminal coolness. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Writer’s tramp: a woman who practices poetic licentiousness. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

Goodzilla: a giant lizard that puts out forest fires by stamping on them. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Taterfamilias: the head of the Potato Head family. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Guillozine: a magazine for executioners. (Barry Blyveis, Columbia)

Osteopornosis*: a degenerate disease. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Adulatery: cheating on one’s wife with a much younger woman who holds you in awe. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

Suckotash: a dish consisting of corn, lima beans and tofu. (Russ Beland, Springfield)

Emasculathe: a tool for castration. (Steve Fahey, Kensington)

Sata: a mythical being who brings toys to bad children. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Burglesque: a poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate) (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like a serious bummer. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

Genitaliar: an image-enhancing object that can be carried in a man’s front pocket. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

Glibido: all talk and no action. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Antifun gal: a prude. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

Vaseball: a game of catch played by children in the living room. (Russ Beland, Springfield)

Eunouch: the pain of castration. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett park)

Hindkerchief: really expensive toilet paper; toilet paper at Buckingham Palace. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Deifenestration: to throw all talk of God out the window. (Paul Kondis, Alexandria)

Hozone: the area around 14th Street. (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

Acme: a generic skin disease. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Dopeler effect*: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. (Greg Oetjen, Lorton)

Hindprint: indentation made by a couch potato. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Intaxication*: euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. (Greg Oetjen, Lorton)

Newtspaper: the Washington Times. (Fil Feit, Annandale)

Nazigator: an overbearing member of your carpool. (Elizabeth Monte, Fairfax)

Synapple: a perfect beverage to accompany brain food. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Socceur: the proper spelling of the sport for the next four years, alas. (Kevin Eade, Columbia)

And Lust: an unseemly craving for this position in the column. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

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