TSA List of Permitted and Prohibited Items

I’m getting ready to travel for business next week. Since I haven’t flown in about a year I figured I’d check the TSA website to see what I can and can’t carry on.

Well, the list is more detailed than I would have expected. It seems if I want to carry-on toothpaste it still needs to be in a 3 oz or less container, but at least I can carry on my Optimus Prime!

TSA List

Thank goodness. I hate to think of the little guy shivering in the cargo hold.

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Airport Security

Airport SecuritySo how well does profiling work for airport security? Donald Burleson tells of a recent run-in with one of the TSA’s under qualified personnel:

I had just passed through the metal detector and the agent stopped me asking about the bulge in my crotch.

The conversation went something like this:

“What dat in yo’ pants?”

“Um, that would be my penis”

Upon reflection, she may have been talking about my wallet, but the damage was already done. The TSA agent made me pass through the metal detector THREE TIMES until the alarm sounded, and I knew that were going to inspect my manhood. But it’s not just sexy men who are targeted.

And he’s right. It’s not just sexy men like Donald who are unnecessarily hassled by these sadistic morons. My sister Carla reports from recent experience on the ineffective profiling methods employed by airport security:

By security logic, clearly if you’re a scruffy, thuggish, ruffian-looking guy, you’re going to get your clean-cut looking girlfriend to carry all your Bad Things.

Of course, having now observed this, I recommend that actual scruffy, thuggish, ruffians carry their own Bad Things so innocent girlfriends of innocent scruffy guys can be left alone.

Could it be this easy to defeat the profiling methods of the TSA? Sure. Talk to anyone who travels often. They’ll tell you how to avoid being screened.

I’m not sure what the solution is here, but we simply must do better.

airport security, travel, TSA